No news is . . .

just downright annoying (i think we've been here before).

We still haven't heard any news about the pathology lab report. I didn't expect to hear from the surgeon's office today as Wednesday is surgery day for the practice. What I did expect to happen today, also didn't happen.

Today was the second appointment to have my catheter removed. And disappointingly, when tested and x-rayed, there were signs of the sutures were still leaking. So for now I need to wait again to have it removed.  This time however it will mean a trip back to Sloan-Kettering instead of having it taken care of locally.

My local urologist, Dr, Jeremy Kaufman, is intelligent, informative, supportive and a really nice guy. But as he reiterated today, he wasn't my surgeon, and not having been part of the surgery and being totally aware of what transpired during my surgery, there is only a certain point to which he can make the call as to the correct time to remove the catheter.  Obviously, if the sutures are leaking, he really can't remove it yet.

So, it looks like there's an early trip back to Sloan-Kettering in New York, and an appointment with my surgeon and his staff next Tuesday.

Tomorrow is my wife Janet's birthday.  I had ordered a few things online for her (which have already arrived), but I truly wish I could do more. She really deserves it after all of this.

'Til next time. . .  cheers!

Two weeks post surgery . . .

Progressing, slowly. Overall I feel OK, but my appetite is still off (good thing for  my weight I guess).

Tomorrow I'm scheduled (again) to have the catheter removed after two weeks. I'm really hoping that the test that will be done will show that the sutures are no longer leaking and that the catheter can finally come out.

Outside of a low grade fever the last 2 or 3 days, which I'm attributing to a flare up of my diverticulitis, and my sleep patterns being totally out of whack, I feel OK physically.

How am I in my head? For the most part I'm doing good.  This has all happened so "fast" that in respects, it still hasn't sunk in that I have cancer.  I don't think I've taken the time to process it for myself.  I've been more concerned for my wife, our sons and my parents.

I've had my moments of feeling overwhelmed, but I'm so wrapped up in being more concerned about my family that it will be some time before it catches up with me. Maybe when that time comes, it won't bother me so much. I know that Janet is having a difficult time, as you might expect. After all, we've been together for nearly 30 years.

I was upstairs the other day and noticed a pile of tissues on the nightstand - she's been crying herself to sleep (I've been sleeping downstairs in a rented hospital bed since I came home). Janet had told me the other day that she had been feeling helpless, that there isn't much she feels she's been able to do to help me.  She's still working and has her classroom and teaching responsibilities. I'm not going to put any additional pressure on her, and there really isn't much she can do to help me get better other than to be there for me when she can.

For both of us, the one thing we are waiting for is the pathology report which is due today or tomorrow.  The results of which will give us the most telling news of everything that's been going on.  It will be the final "grading" of my cancer and give us more of an idea of where we go from here.  It's something I'm looking forward to hearing, but at the same time it's something I'm quite anxious about.

Missed the first milestone . . .

I had an appointment to have the Foley catheter removed this morning.  I still have it in place. It's not necessarily a bad thing, just a disappointment and a delay.

Prior to removing one's catheter after a urinary surgery where the urethra was cut, the Dr's. need to confirm that the sutures have taken and that the urethra is not leaking.  The x-ray with contrast  showed a slight leak at the sutures.

So, I need to wait as along as another week before I can the catheter removed.  Again, nothing serious - just a bit disappointing.

Last night was bad.

From about 12:30am, until about 5:30, I was just about in tears from the pain of surgical gas pressure. The gas pain and muscle cramps were so bad, I was only making it through it all by remember and doing a Lamaze style breathing.

The docs and nurses warn you about this before the surgery, after the surgery, and anyone who that has experienced this type of surgery will tell you similar stories. But, until you experience it (experience delivery of a baby) you have no idea how painful last night was.

I'm so exhausted, I almost feel delusional. Time to try and settle down for some sleep.

5 days post surgery . . .

Again, we wait.  The pathology report should be back by the 23rd, and that will give us the true reading/grading of the cancer (tumor & nodes). Once that is done, the next marker will be the next PSA reading from blood work to be done about 6 weeks from now.

Normally, the PSA (prostate-specific antigen) is a "zero" or at a "non-detectible" level.  In this case, Dr. G is looking for a reading of "0.05" of better.  If there is any detectible PSA, then adjunct treatment of radiation, hormone deprivation or chemo may be required.

For now, that's pretty much it. I'm working on my recovery from  surgery, and then we'll move on to the next step.

Thanks for checking in and caring about myself and my family.  Your continued prayers and support will be appreciated.

a short update . . .

I came home yesterday, and I guess I feel about as well as can be expected. I'm at that gaseous stage from the surgical C02, which is proving to be more painful to deal with than I thought but I"m getting through it.

Not much of an appetite right now so I'm a bit weak and tired. I need to eat some food in order to take the pain meds so I don't get any more nauseous, but I'm already borderline because of the gas pressure so I'm just fighting through it.

The time has finally come . . .

of course that "time" changed yesterday.

Just as we were leaving the house for NYC yesterday afternoon, the hopsital called and let us know that surgery was moved from 8am this morning to 1pm this afternoon. Another half-day of fasting (no food or water since about 9:30 last night).

Janet, Evan & Ryan are downstairs having breakfast while I take care of a few pre-surgical tasks. Jason will have a bit of a tough day. Southern CT Univ. theater department's fall show opens tonight, and Jason is the sound team leader. I know that many are praying for my recovery, for my doctors and medical staff, but I want to also ask you for your prayers for my family, including my parents, Norman & Marjorie Palazini, and my in-laws, Walter & Faith Hicks. I know they are all understandably concerned.

OK gang . . . . it's about time to head out. See you on the other side!

Well then . . .

barring any last minute changes, my surgery is scheduled for 8am tomorrow morning . .  with a bright and early arrival time of 6am.  Which is fine as I'm sure I'll be awake most of the night anyway.

How do I feel about it all? I'm glad that the day is finally here. Am I nervous? I'd be an idiot to not be, but i know I'm in the best of hands in one of the world's best urological surgeons & surgical cancer centers.


I also know that through my Faith, along with the love and support of my family and friends that everything will be fine in the long run.  I'm well aware of the fact that this my initial recovery will be fairly quick, but that there is still a long road ahead.  And the really cool thing?  I'll be back home in time to see the two night Monty Python special on IFC.  Nothing wrong with some good laughs when you're recovering from major surgery!


I guess that's pretty much it for now. I need to finish getting some things together and make a few phone calls.  I'll update this as soon as I can, but it may not be until Friday or Saturday when I get home.


As it's 11:30am now, I'll almost be out of surgery this time tomorrow.


Cheers!

One Week . . .

and counting.

And you think this "countdown" thing is getting a bit boring and annoying for YOU!

I had my last pre-surgical tests on Tuesday, and met with my surgeon one last time. All systems go for next Wednesday.

We won't know what the schedule time for the surgery will be until the day before. So in the event it's a early in the morning, Janet, Evan, Ryan and I will be staying in the city Tuesday night so we won't have to deal with the insane morning traffic issues getting into the city. It will also give us some family time together and help to keep the boys' minds off of everything.

I'm told that the surgery is about three to four hours long, though I'm not sure if the recovery time is included in that.  I've asked Janet to take the boys out for a walk in midtown, maybe near 'Rock' Center, or maybe in the park to help kill the time. But something tells me they're going to just hang out in the family waiting area until they hear from the nursing staff for an update.

Tomorrow's my last day at work for while . . .  about two to three weeks.  I'll head back to work after that, but I don't expect to be able to do my full "normal" 10 work day (on top of my near 4-hour door-to-door daily roundtrip commute).  I'm going to have to ease back into the day, and perhaps try to make arrangements to somehow work from home, though that's a pretty unlikely scenario.

At the six week point, I'll have my first of a lifetime of blood tests to see where my PSA level has settled to. If the level drops to zero (or somewhere there about), I'm going to be in good shape, and will probably just have to go through a short round of radiation and/or chemo to kill off any cancer cells that are roaming around.   If the number is higher than say a 4, then the treatment may be a bit more intensive.

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I know I've said this numerous times in this blog . . .

but Janet and I have had so many friends - old and new - offer up their "good thoughts", "positive energy", "lifted up in prayers" and love for us both, that we just can't express how much that all means to us.  Thank you.  I'll be back here soon and let you know how things go.

All our love right back at you all.

Chris

One week away . . .

with one last scheduled round of tests, and a pre-surgical visit with my surgeon today. Next Wednesday is surgery day.

How do I feel about all of this?  I'll be honest, it still feels surreal. For now, I'm pretty calm and relaxed about the whole thing. I've been through surgery before, and I know that there's really nothing to worry about.  But in the back of my mind, this is different. There's no doubt about it - this is to save my life.

Yes, the cancer was found "early" and that all the news (MRIs and bone scan) has been good so far. I consider myself quite blessed by all of this. But the fact remains that my cancer has been around for a while and that the capsule surrounding the prostate has been breached, and the cells have begun to spread.

Does that knowledge weigh heavily on my mind? Heck, yes!  I'd be lying if I wasn't concerned that every "odd" feeling or sensation I've felt in the last six weeks didn't give me pause as to what it may have been. Are the headaches and low fever I've been having in the last eight weeks or so somehow related to my cancer?

With all that said, and please don't get me wrong, I really am staying positive through all of this. But I am also aware in the knowledge that this surgery isn't going to bring this all to an immediate end. There will more than likely be a number of months of follow-up treatment by radiation and/or chemotherapy, and that my full recovery is a year or more away.

I said it in my first posting and I'll say it again. You "guys" out there need to get to your doctor at least once a year for a check-up.  And, if you're in your mid-forties, don't wait to talk to your physician about having a PSA test done along with your normal blood work. In most cases this test isn't done until you turn 50. At the age of 47 and a PSA (prostate-specific antigen) test result of 62.7, my cancer has been around for at least 5 years if not longer. I'm lucky that it was caught when it was . . .  earlier would have been better.

Well then . . . . . .

round 3 (or was it 5) of tests are done.  Actually, it seemed like a waste of time.

I had an appointment with a pulmonologist at Sloan-Kettering on Thursday . . . breathing exercises, pressures, stress tests . . .   all passed with flying colors.

Once that was done, I then needed to wait more than two hours for the doctor to see me. After reviewing my test results. the first thing the he asked was "And why are you here?".

Once I explained that I was scheduled for surgery, he then just assumed that this was for clearance for my surgery.  Wouldn't you think that they would know why I was supposed to be there especially as this was a referral from another Sloan Cancer Center docs?  They're all on the same computer system.

Just venting a little bit I guess.  Again, not sweating the "small" stuff.


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