Two weeks post surgery . . .

Progressing, slowly. Overall I feel OK, but my appetite is still off (good thing for  my weight I guess).

Tomorrow I'm scheduled (again) to have the catheter removed after two weeks. I'm really hoping that the test that will be done will show that the sutures are no longer leaking and that the catheter can finally come out.

Outside of a low grade fever the last 2 or 3 days, which I'm attributing to a flare up of my diverticulitis, and my sleep patterns being totally out of whack, I feel OK physically.

How am I in my head? For the most part I'm doing good.  This has all happened so "fast" that in respects, it still hasn't sunk in that I have cancer.  I don't think I've taken the time to process it for myself.  I've been more concerned for my wife, our sons and my parents.

I've had my moments of feeling overwhelmed, but I'm so wrapped up in being more concerned about my family that it will be some time before it catches up with me. Maybe when that time comes, it won't bother me so much. I know that Janet is having a difficult time, as you might expect. After all, we've been together for nearly 30 years.

I was upstairs the other day and noticed a pile of tissues on the nightstand - she's been crying herself to sleep (I've been sleeping downstairs in a rented hospital bed since I came home). Janet had told me the other day that she had been feeling helpless, that there isn't much she feels she's been able to do to help me.  She's still working and has her classroom and teaching responsibilities. I'm not going to put any additional pressure on her, and there really isn't much she can do to help me get better other than to be there for me when she can.

For both of us, the one thing we are waiting for is the pathology report which is due today or tomorrow.  The results of which will give us the most telling news of everything that's been going on.  It will be the final "grading" of my cancer and give us more of an idea of where we go from here.  It's something I'm looking forward to hearing, but at the same time it's something I'm quite anxious about.